My Dad

My dad, I am certain my dad was one of the most unique men on the face of the planet. Most of my life, even though he had an office job at the phone company for 47 years, he was a hardworking homebody at heart. He loved being at home working on something. He enjoyed his livestock, his extensive garden, his mechanic shop and he loved just sitting under the tulip tree near our house on a hot summer day.  Any time something broke, his motto was “if man made it, man can fix it” and he somehow had time to repair and fix any item we had in and out of the house.

On Saturday after his service we found this new subscription for Phoebe in the mailbox. ❤

He was an avid reader, he always read the newspaper, magazines (I think all of us get a subscription to Kiplingers) and his favorites were Readers Digest, the Bible and Car Manuals. And these car manuals were not the kind that come in the glovebox of your vehicle. He would purchase entire series of manuals from the car manufacturer that included every detail of how to take the car apart and put it back together, just like it was a giant Sudoku puzzle. Within just the last year I gave him a book to read called Love Does by Bob Goff, I knew he would enjoy it but he really believed books weren’t his thing. I sat one day and read him one story from the book to grab his attention, he laughed so hard he read the book the next day. Gus just played a voicemail he had kept from my dad, who was retelling a story in the book and he was laughing so hard on the voicemail you can barely understand what he was saying. I’m going to miss that laugh. 

There are so many stories about vehicles that we could tell you about my dad but there are two that he loved to tell! The first one would involve my brother Todd. Todd was about 16 years old and my dad had purchased an old car that didn’t run for parts. He needed my brother to drive the pick up truck to Monticello and then they would tie the car to the back of the truck and my dad would sit in the car and steer to make sure it stayed on the road (it also had no brakes) and my brother would drive the truck. However, my dad didn’t give my 16 year old brother a lot of instruction regarding what would happen to the car behind each time he turned a corner… I can just see my dad, flying through the air as my brother took each twist and turn from Monticello to home without paying a bit of attention to the car and the man inside and attached to him. Needless to say, I believe after my dad cleaned up his shorts… my brother was given a stern lesson in centripetal force. 

The other story he loved to tell was teaching me to drive. My birthday is in January and before he would allow us to get our license we had to be efficient at driving every type of vehicle including stick shift, tractors with trailers on them, and be able to back them up to a livestock loading shoot in rain, snow and ice. This one winter day he decided he was going to teach me about driving on ice. I had already successfully executed this task as we drove down the road having a verbal war of words. All the way down this country road covered thick with ice my dad said “now punch the gas and then slam on the brakes” I would continually tell him he was OUT OF HIS MIND crazy if he thought I was going to do that and so it continued, “punch the gas and slam on the brakes”, “no” and on and on until we reached the end of the road and turned around toward home, he wore me down and I did just that. I punched the gas and slammed on the brakes but instead of doing the fancy 360 he thought we would do and I would get the awesome experience of pulling out of it… we instead spun around and then gave a big ole “yeehawwwww” as we soared through the sky, narrowly missing a telephone pole and Duke’s of Hazarding that car right in the middle of a field, snow covered the windshield and he said “Huh! I didn’t think that would happen” he loved to tell that story! 

Any time Todd or I or even his grandkids had an idea, if he could make it happen he would! I loved to swing on my old metal swingset but if I went too high, the leg would pull out of the ground no matter how far he buried it. I told my dad I wanted to swing so high, I could see over the roof of the house, so my dad got 2 telephone poles… taller than our house and buried them in our front yard and hung a single chain with a little wooden board with notches cut on the side for the seat. I would spend hours on that swing. I would indeed swing over the house, the only problem with that was, every so often when you swung that high, the seat would lift off the chain and fall off!! The only solution was to use all of my arm strength to hold myself on the chain and scream until someone came to stop it for me. He build my brother and I a two story clubhouse complete with a balcony and fancy doors. I wanted a firepit so he brought me a load of bricks and cement and let me go (needless to say it didn’t last long), we had every pet we ever wanted except a horse (because his childhood mule would run him under the clothesline and try to knock him off so he insisted we didn’t really want one of those).

my yearbook quote!

When I was in high school we had the typical theme week and one of our days was Farmer day. Instead of being the typical farmer with overalls and cap, I thought it would be fun if some the members of the volleyball team dressed in pink like pigs and I would bring a load of piglets to school for each of us to take to homeroom!

My dad LOVED this idea! So he loaded up the pick up early in the morning and I drove it to school and met my friends in the parking lot and passed them out to each one. When we got to our homerooms you can imagine the fun and chaos that ensued. Shortly after we heard, “anyone with a pig in their classroom, report to the office” over the loud speaker. They needed our picture for the yearbook before sending my pigs home. The most brilliant part of this plan my dad said was that the Superintendents daughter was on the team and had also taken one to her class so when her dad called my dad to say, “come get these pigs” they had a good laugh as well.

When I was in college he bought an old 4th of July parade car for the parts and I begged him to let me keep it since it still ran! We called it the Star Spangled. It was an old escort that the top had been roughly chopped off and then painted with Stars and Stripes for a 4th of July parade.  My friends and I drove that stinky, musty old thing around like it was the best thing ever! He helped Gus build his own tree fort with swing at our last house and He hung swings from my walkout deck for us all to enjoy. He was always up for any creative adventure we could think of! 

My dad was incredibly intelligent and always had a unique sense of ingenuity. One Saturday afternoon he and his farm help came in for lunch and there was a rat in the attic that decided lunch smelled so good it would just join them via the ceiling over the table.  My dad saw that rats little nose through the hole and quickly got his rifle and stuck it right up that hole and shot it! Lunch could now continue as planned. Another time my parents tried a real Christmas tree instead of the artificial ones we always had. Every morning they would wake up to the tree having fallen over. My dad finally just nailed the tree stand to the floor right through the carpet! He told us that was what the holes in the stand were there for.

He was the toughest man you will ever meet. He never complained about aches and pains. In the late 80’s he fell off the roof of a building and broke his back, he was supposed to lie flat for a month, the next day my dad was on a ladder wiring in lights on the front porch he was building, working over his head. He would go on to break his back many more times with rarely a complaint. During the last year he had fallen while at Bickford and I met the ambulance at the ER, the Doctor came in to tell my dad he did have a slight fracture but also that he had actually never seen a spine with so many breaks and he wasn’t sure how my dad could even walk. My dad just smiled. There was never a pain to great for him to bear, if he fell he wouldn’t be down long, even just this last week he fell, there was blood on the wall and his arm was completely torn up but never a complaint about it. When Doctors told him there was nothing more they could do for the injury he had obtained to his heart his sister Wanda (who yes is still alive even though I completely left her out of the obituary… still sorry Aunt Wanda) got him into Mayo and we made the trek up there to see what could be done. They decided he would indeed die if they didn’t try something, and he was up for the experiment so they proceeded. After 2 weeks they were sure he wasn’t going to make it and were preparing us for hospice, my dad kept saying if he could get home, he could get better. My mom and I were just talking about that drive back home. We aren’t sure how we even got him home from MN. He had no strength, we had no wheelchair and yet the Lord somehow made a way for us to get him home. And once home… he started to improve! So much so that he went back to Mayo for a new fancy pacemaker! When he got there they weren’t sure how he was even there but slowly and surely he continued to make improvements! Just this week we told him we hadn’t seen him this tall since he broke his back all those years ago. He was walking inches taller because of his desire to walk better and sweet Hannie, the physical therapist at Cedarhurst was working with him every single day and it was paying off! 

That was on Sunday, on Monday I went to Cedarhurst to meet with one of the Doctors on staff there and as I walked down the hall I saw him sitting in the sunshine, looking out the window and reading his Bible. I thought to snap a picture of him and how precious a site it was. When I sat down on the bench near him, I asked him what he was reading… he said it was about Samuel. He then told me he missed his friend George, he missed him really bad and he wished he could just pick up the phone and call him and talk to him about what he was reading in the Bible. To have that conversation with him and now know that less than 24 hours later his soul would be present with the Lord and George gives me great joy among our sorrow. His hope was in Christ, and as much as he was determined to live as many years on this earth as possible, we know without a doubt we will see him again one day and there is nothing better than to rejoice over that. 

My dad has left an impression and a legacy I don’t think he ever thought possible. He wasn’t afraid to try anything and fail, he knew that by trying and failing, nothing was really ever a failure because you learned something by the experience.  He could laugh at himself and never took things too seriously. He was a gentle but firm father who wanted only the best for his kids and grandkids. If he ever had a conflict with mom, Todd or I he would follow us around until it was resolved. He wasn’t afraid of confrontation but could never let the sun go down without resolution. I will miss my dad greatly, but I will cherish the many lessons he taught me and the investment he made in each of our children and the lives of others and try to do the same.  

My wedding rehearsal 12/30/1994

The Novels We Write

Have you ever thought that when we pass away our words don’t? That goes for almost all of us who have become a part of the social media society. If we have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or other social apps., our words are saved somewhere.

Our photos, comments, articles, posts, and questions will one day pass on. Let’s face it, the words may stop flowing but they won’t cease to exist for someone to read.
It’s something I have been thinking about for a couple of years now and I would make the case that maybe the social media “highlight” reel isn’t as bad as it has been made out to be. As I think through the use of these legacy apps, I want my family to remember my favorite things. I want them to see there was purpose in what was shared and remind them of the highlights of my days and that they were a part of that, often being, in some way, the motivation behind almost every share I make.

When my family one day looks back at the things I shared on my Instagram, I want them to be reminded of my faith and reliance on what Jesus did for us. I want them to see funny things like memes, Michael Jr. or that silly Kardashian Instagram account with the post-it notes for fingernails. I want them to know I used social media to connect buyers and sellers with houses they want or need and helped others improve their health with a better breakfast or other natural recipe or simple grocery swaps.

I don’t want my legacy to be a war of words, passive-aggressive remarks, keyboard rants, or even a mini-series on difficult moments in time. Those days and moments happen and when I post about them, I want it to be with intention and thought. Making sure, if those are words that are going to be hanging around after I am gone, that they served a purpose for those who are left behind to read them. I also think, for me, I want the hard days to be documented differently. Journaling a prayer between the Lord and myself is often the best way for me to start and then determine what part of my sphere should or needs to know. I have certainly been known to ask for prayer and I have prayed many prayers for those who ask the same. It is an honor to lift others up to our Heavenly Father when they want/need it.

It’s just that sometimes, by filtering our words or media shared by what we are leaving our loved ones with someday, maybe the highlight reel is genius! Maybe sharing more of the highlights is exactly what we want to leave our loved ones. I want mine to see the variety of things I have shared demonstrate the importance of what I want them to know and remember. Knowing their photos, events, home, pets, faith, friends and yes, even the careers we appreciate are things I thought worthy of sharing. Whether any of us ever desired to be an author or not, we have all become one without even knowing the novels we are writing.

When we pass on, so will our words whether we like it or not.

Mama Bear Rejoice!

Mama Bear Rejoice!

Sunday evening our small group gathered together to discuss the sermon from the morning’s service. The sermon was on Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice!”. The leader of our group asked me a question directly and said something along these lines; “When little Johnny comes home from school and tells you that someone at school has picked on him and it tugs at your heart so much you want to give someone a piece of your mind, how do you celebrate Christ at that moment?” Honestly, I wanted to respond like I was Elyse Myers on Instagram and say “Great question, I’m glad you asked!”

But in all seriousness, I was so glad he asked! It’s been on my heart for years and I never seem to take the time to lay out my thoughts in a cohesive response so Sunday night, I just started talking and that’s when I thought, maybe I would take some time to write a few of these down.

I think the first thing we need to get out of the way is that when our child hurts, most parents feel that two-fold. It’s a double whammy for sure for me and most of my friends. And this is why responding appropriately to our kids is so difficult and also so important. This is why breathing deep and taking a minute (or several) before responding is best.

As I continue to parent young kids in an ever-changing world I reflect on the ways of my past parenting and as my friend Michael Clouse often says in his business coaching strategies, “I plan, do, review and adjust” for the situation, the child and the circumstance.

Philippians chapter 4 and the question that was posed to me about celebrating Christ while your heart is being ripped out for your child, how do I do that? I responded with something like this; I celebrate or give thanks, that we have a savior who has given us so much advice on just this. Practically, I try my best to listen calmly, this can be challenging because again, you actually hurt more than your child often does, and being a good listener is all your child wants in that moment. Just to sit with them, they share and then they release… little do they know though, they just released onto a Mama or Papa Bear ready to defend her young against the prowling lion.

So, what do we do when we want to defend or rectify or justify a situation for our children? As believers we are told time and time again to trust God, so our children give us the perfect place to practice! The beloved children he has entrusted to our care is not by accident and he is using them to mold us and make us more into his image than we can imagine. This doesn’t mean let them be in put harms way, but it also doesn’t mean we run and intercede every time someone else causes our kids to feel pain or discomfort. We can actually sit with them and listen (our Heavenly Father is great at listening, so He provides an excellent example for us) and then when we have that teachable moment, we take it. We point our kids back to scripture. We share with them the realities of the world like in John 16, that chapter ends with ” I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, because I have overcome the world.” The Lord tells us we are going to have troubles! We are not going to live the easy peasy life, so how are we going to navigate it when it hurts or even worse, hurts our children?

We also point our children back to Chapter 4 of Philippians and down in verse 8 it reads “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Often times the very issue our kids are having can be flipped around with a dose of gratitude. In this verse, the scripture doesn’t tell us that our minds will naturally default to these things… no in fact, it tells us we are to think about these things. We are to think, not the Lord will instantly and magically make us think of these things. We are to fix our mind on finding gratitude in the midst of the struggle. In his article Why Gratitude is Good, Dr. Emmons shares, “You can’t feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings, because if you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for owning things you don’t.”

You can’t feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings…

Could it be that science is catching up to scripture in this department? As mentioned by G.K. Chesterton in his famous agricultural metaphor, the pursuit of true happiness is much the same as cultivation. We won’t get the desired result unless we nourish and nurture the seeds properly (Chesterton, 1986). 

So how do we celebrate and rejoice in the Lord always when Johnny comes home with a broken heart? We celebrate by putting our trust in Him and display that trust to our children. We graciously and patiently, walk through it with them and find ways to rejoice and have gratitude in the muddy waters of growing. We celebrate and put into practice verses like Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. And we rejoice and instill verses like Isaiah 26:3-4 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. And you remind them that the only thing in this world that they can control is how they respond, so let’s walk them through this as a gentle guide and let Mama and Papa Bear hibernate a bit longer.

A Timeline For My Family and maybe yours

Over the course of this Coronavirus pandemic, I’ve had very few conversations with people outside of my home; I’m guessing many people are the same. The few that I have had, have been pretty meaningful and have left me with much to think about. I guess that’s because three of those conversations have all led to the same topic: the economy, and how this has impacted their lives, or their loved ones.

A quick google search tells me that there are 30.2 million small businesses in the United States, which is 99.9% of ALL businesses in the United States.

https://www.fundera.com/blog/small-business-employment-and-growth-statistics 

So it isn’t surprising that we know, or are, some of those owners. I guess what left me with so much to think about, was that as I listened to them talk, I was reminded of a time that we as business owners thought we might never get out of the nightmare we were living through. Remember the real estate crash in 2008? If not, we do, and actually try not to think of it often. However, when listening to my friends talk, it reminded me of how many things we learned during that time, and how much our mindset shifted.

As I talked with Brian today, just today… we talked about the timeline of events. Over the last 12 years, we have been so focused on recovering, that we never put the timeline in place. That may seem odd, but when you are going through certain things, you just block them out, and that must have been what we did!

So in a quick recap: In 2006, our son Henry was born stillborn at 40 weeks. In 2007, we got pregnant with twins, and lost one of the twins at 20 weeks. Our close friend Dave was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. We gave birth to our son, Gus, in September of that year. Our real estate business was still going strong, though the economy was changing. We were able to just focus on the loss and new life, and all we had learned over the past two years. Then in 2008, we lost pretty much every drop of income, and the avenue that had produced almost all of that income during our entire marriage; the real estate crash happened. While living at our current residence, we recently found our income tax statement from that year, and the years prior. I guess we knew the numbers at the time, but it really didn’t hit until we saw them again now

Our income had dropped 78% from the previous year. When you own a business, or are self-employed, there is no real help for you. You don’t qualify for unemployment, food stamps, or whatever else there might be, and up to this point, that was something I had never really considered regarding our self-employment. Another thing you do as a self-employed person, is pay taxes on the previous year’s income… and because no one really knew how long this drop in the market would last, people could use up any and all savings they had pretty quickly by keeping employees, business expenses and paying taxes. And that’s what we did. It was all gone in a matter of months, and everything that could be put on a credit card, was.

We held out too long on too many things; we had no experience in this arena, and no one holding our hand. Real estate was all we knew. We had a baby that was only a few months old, were still grieving the loss of the past two years, and now all of our income was gone as well. There was one turning point for me that stands out above all the rest. Our friend and past client, Sue, had been working at the food pantry and put together a large box of food and dropped it off to us. We had never really discussed our struggle with anyone. I guess we just assumed people would put 2+2 together, and just know we might be affected by this, but I also think we had so much going on trying to survive that we didn’t really think about if anyone knew or understood. All we knew was, we had “all the balls in the air,” so to speak, and needed to figure out how to survive.

Much of that time is a blur; an absolute blur, but that moment of Sue standing in my kitchen with that heaping box of food is easily accessible in my mind. It was that moment for me that checked another mindset shift and stripped another layer of my pride away. So, the next time the food pantry was available… guess who was in line? I figured out I could stop charging my groceries and eat what was available. I love that the Holy Spirit brought us to mind as Sue worked that day; it was a total game changer for us.

Over the next few years, our kids kept growing and we would continue to make giant shifts in every area of our lives to keep our ship afloat. We moved from a home we loved, to one that actually was larger than our previous home, but needed quite a bit of work. We were able to buy it as a foreclosure for half of the price the owners had paid for it just a few years before. We pulled our kids from the private school they attended; I gave up my real estate license and homeschooled them and worked as Brian’s assistant in real estate from home.

We continued to just work at ways to cut expenses and pay off debt. We sold our boat and we bought everything we could at a complete discount. I became a master at taking other people’s garbage, and turning it into our treasures. I would learn to never pay for something unless it was on sale, and so much more. I remember two Christmases that were particularly hard. We got super creative that first Christmas and told the girls that for Christmas we wouldn’t have much to give them, so what I wanted them to do was complete a service project for someone else, and then on Christmas morning tell us what they did!

Karen had been Sophie’s 3rd grade teacher the previous year, and Sophie asked her to help her with this project. Karen took Sophie one Saturday and they collected food for a food pantry. I bet to this day, Karen had no idea how much that meant to me. Another Christmas would be a few years later when we would go another 6 months without a paycheck. That Christmas I only shopped at the basement at Carson Pirie Scott in Aurora. That was their clearance center where everything was basically 75% off. It was an absolute God thing, because little Gus had been watching some of the YouTube kids open toys, and had seen some really cool things. Do you know that three of the things he had expressed that he wanted were all in the basement of Carson’s when I went? I think I spent $10 on each one!

Three years ago, I felt like the Lord was nudging us to make another change and downsize again. Our older kids thought we were crazy! We had just adopted our youngest daughter and had plenty of room for everyone! One of them even made the remark, “You know, when most people have more children they get a bigger house, not a smaller one.” That was my problem… did we really need that much space? We had one kid in college, and one would soon be on the way; we didn’t need that much space and we could probably sell our home for a decent profit. So that’s what we did, and it sold much faster than we had imagined. We had purchased a house that needed a lot of stuff done to make it our home, and when we put our house on the market, we had three weeks to get out, get rid of everything, and move into the new house.

It’s definitely been a process, and it still is. I had someone tell me a couple years ago that Brian didn’t seem like a successful Realtor because of the big white Buick he drove. I knew what he meant, but I also knew where we had come from and what our focus had been, and it wasn’t on the style of vehicle we drove. There are so many details woven in through the last 14 years that are hard to actually put into words (if I did, this would end up being the longest blog post ever).

My point in writing this all down is to encourage my kids about their future. I want them to know no matter how awful or drastic the situation feels at the time, there are blessings and better days ahead. God never promises freedom of pain, and they know that – He just promises to walk with us through it. There are so many scriptures that show us this, but I think this one is so applicable as I share.

God Offers Comfort to All

3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters,[b] about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. 10 And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.

He sees it all. He continues to work in our lives, and we continue to try to hold the things of this world loosely. Everything we have belongs to Him. This morning, I asked the Lord if this was really something I should put in writing, and the next thing I knew, Brian took the kids for a run/bike ride. I found myself alone with time to think and write for the first time since this pandemic started. In our house, the one thing I haven’t had yet, is much alone time. As we continue to pray for our friends, family, those who text or call and those who tell us what is going on in their lives, I am reminded so much of these years and the scripture above (2 Corinthians 1:3-10, NLT). For now, God has moved us into a position of being able to be a listening ear, a sounding board or just a virtual shoulder to lean on. We are able to look back on the years and see how God was so present in our time of need and see how we have grown and truly been blessed by it.

Recently, I was in a group message and someone said that they are constantly reminded: “when in doubt, focus out,” and I completely agree. Romans 8:26 is one of my favorite Bible verses, and came alive to me during my pregnancy with Henry. It says, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words” (NLT). The idea that when I really don’t know how to pray for myself, I don’t have to. The Spirit helps us in our weakness. When I don’t know what to ask the Lord because I’m so broken or scared, I surrender it to the Spirit and concentrate on lifting others up. So just like my friend said with her little motto, “when in doubt, focus out”.

A side note of encouragement as well… never assume anyone is dialed into your situation. Give people that don’t ask how you are grace because you might forget some day to ask them as well. (Hebrews 12:15, Colossians 3:13)

What I’ve learned so far

I’m not sure what’s going on in this world, but I do know the One who does.

Here are some photos that represent so many life lessons to me.

One lesson being, we are stronger than we think we are. God equips us for troubled times even when we don’t think it’s possible. His word tells us there will be days like this. 

In the moments between the photos on this page, I learned what it was like to choose to carry several babies, including one considered “incompatible with life” full term.

A choice many thought they had the right to tell me was “unnecessary” and I would “feel better if I took control and took this matter into my own hands”

I relied not on my strength but on God’s. He created the life inside me, he knit it together and I would let him decide when He took it home. This was me, living out the faith I spoke so boldly about.  As Nancy Guthrie so wisely wrote in her book titled Holding On to Hope “this is where the rubber meets the road.”

On my way to the hospital

This photo in the black shirt is me, headed to the hospital 3 days before my due date to give birth to Henry Phillip Hauser, the baby who taught me so much. The baby who was deemed incompatible with life, yet so compatible for some of my life’s greatest lessons so far.

The baby who was incompatible with life, yet so compatible for some of my life’s greatest lessons so far.

This baby taught me much about compassion, joy, perseverance, prayer, responsibility, kindness, choice, opinions and so much more.

He taught me how to lean on others and how to walk alongside others in their time of need. 

He taught me, people say dumb things all the time and they say even dumber stuff when they don’t know what to say.

He made me realize, I’ve been guilty of that very thing more times than I am probably aware of.

Henry taught me that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. The best thing to do is just be there and keep your mouth closed. Those of us familiar with the story of Job know his friends would’ve been wise to stay silent. There is a time to stay quiet.

He taught me that by spending my days worrying about “what ifs” I would never add any time to my life, I would only rob myself and others of it.

He taught me that some of my innocence would be forever gone. And excitement would be replaced by hesitation.

In the days between these photos I learned these things.

His life taught me it was safe to place all of my hope in the One who knows the number of hairs on my head, even when they are turning gray.

I learned there is no formula to God’s graciousness other than obedience. Even if that obedience seems upside down in everyone else’s eyes, God reminds me… Noah just kept on building and telling people the rain was coming, he never forced anyone to get on his boat.

Henry’s life taught me to hold on tight to God’s word, the rain was still coming.

When this little truck was once going to hold double, I learned to let go of my plans and ideas just a little bit more.

Between these photos I learned more about risks, desires and rest. I learned what it was truly like to experience a peace that surpasses all understanding. I learned what it was like to let go.

I learned when you don’t even know how to pray or what to ask, there is one who  pleads on our behalf.

I learned others have gone before us, they have walked this road and we are not alone, even when we think we are.

I was reminded God uses the least likely book, movie, person and situation to bring people into a relationship with Him.

Between the photos I learned God does really give us the desires of our heart, we just don’t know when or how they will be delivered and how or when they will arrive.

I’ve learned some women make incredible, selfless decisions for the unborn and we can never thank them enough.

I’ve learned there are more families than I ever dreamed of, waiting and hoping to get a call to say “she has chosen you to be the baby’s  parents”.  There are so many waiting to hear those words. I knew, but I didn’t really know how many.

I have experienced a growing passion for the unborn, a passion I had but never knew how deep it went. I have a hope for change in this world, a hope that adoption would be a norm, that in this broken and fallen world where so many are hurting, that they find joy in saving lives.

I remember when I was pregnant with twins and found out at 20 weeks, one of the twins had passed, the medical staff gave me all of the warnings of how that might put my healthy baby in jeopardy. I remember the medical staff telling me if we could just make it 3 more weeks, (to 23 weeks) the baby had a chance of surviving if I delivered early. That thought haunts me in the wake of what is changing in this world. A realization to me, that if a baby can be delivered early,  its life doesn’t need to be taken to save someone else’s. I have learned there’s a time to speak, especially for those who can’t talk yet.

I want to remind my children, family and friends there will be someone ready for that life. Adoption agencies have more people waiting than they have babies. Someday, I have a hope to learn that adoption will be the norm for women unable to care for a child, a hope that adoption will be the first option considered. I have a hope that in this world, we will look for a win-win-win for mother, child and waiting family.

In the days between these photos, these are the things I’ve learned.