Honestly

So I’ve been considering writing a detailed blog post about my thoughts about the whole refugee thing and then I thought about making it a Facebook status but I realized that I am writing these blogs so my kids have documentation about the things I think about, so blog post it is. Now, if you aren’t a Christian… just move on. This isn’t really for you.

I have read both sides, I read all the stuff (or try to) that my liberal friends post and that my conservative friends post and my mind is spinning most of the time because have you truly done this??? Both sides can take the exact same story and it doesn’t even seem to have any of the same details by the end.  Until the media can gather facts without a spin, I will read them but I will take it with a grain of salt. All of it.

On another note, I am also kind of tired of reading posts about Christians and which ones are more Christ-like than others… BLEK! THAT in itself is not “Christ-like.” So Stop it. Just because you are convicted to open your arms wide open does not mean that your brothers or sisters in Christ don’t have their own convictions – ones that, dare I say, Christ might have burdened their hearts with? I actually think compassion is the easy part of this all. I hope my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ feel a GREAT DEAL of compassion for these refugees and ANYONE that is displaced or threatened.

I think wisdom may be the thing that is harder to find in all of this. So if your brother or sister in Christ is cautious, maybe you should listen, maybe you have the gift of compassion but they have the gift of wisdom – remember we are part of one body and that whole, “I’m not part of the body cause I’m a foot and not a hand thing?” (It’s in 1 Corinthians 12 if you want to read it again) Our mission is to make disciples of all nations and yes, we are not to fear… I get it. But I can’t help but think, Jesus sweat blood at one point, do you remember that? And it wasn’t cause he was ready to joyfully embrace what was happening at that moment.  He was Jesus and He was anxious. So do not mock or discredit the fears of your fellow brothers or sisters because they don’t actually have the same fearless abandonment that you display.

I am in awe of those that continue to post and write and speak that they are ready to die, because if they are brutally murdered they did it because they were a servant, just like Jesus would want them to be – just like it’s no big deal. If that is truly your heart well then good for you because you have been gifted in an area not even our Savior was.  I also am not on the train with those that are absolutely not wanting to help these refugees in their distress!  I would actually prefer we remain One in Christ and act like it. My personal opinion would be we should pay attention to the whole body. Our politicians were put into place, voted into place, to convey our wishes. They are here to help protect us. Now, if some of the them have cause for alarm – from both parties, this is not a one party deal if you are really paying attention – then I say we pause for just a second and think about that. I do not in any way, shape or form believe we shouldn’t help those that need our help. But we need wisdom as to the best method so that we remain a place that can help those that need to seek shelter and refuge. It is also my personal opinion that we wipe out ISIS completely so we can just stop this whole conversation and then safely and joyfully help one another.

Kids, this is considered a late night rant by your mother. Now, won’t this be embarrassing when I look back at this, Lord willing, in 20 years. 😉

That Morning When You Just Feel Funky

Do you ever wake up and just feel funky? I can remember feeling this way, even when I was a kid.  It rarely happens anymore, but it hit today and well, I just didn’t like it. I woke up, nothing out of the normal happened, Gus came into my room and crawled in bed with me, Brian was already up and heard the baby and brought her in and the three of us laid in bed before getting our day started by snuggling. I could tell though, something just felt eh… different.

All of my insecurities seemed to shout at me this morning… every one of them. Do you ever have that? I am certain it is “normal” but yuck! It’s that fast forward thing your brain can do – but it’s actually just playing moments of the past over and over in your head and it seems like you just covered the last 20 years of awful moments in about 2.3 seconds. As I type I wonder, maybe I’m alone on this one?  But something also tells me I’m not. And I just did a google search about feeling funky and it turns out many people have written many things like, “483 easy steps to get out of that funk and feel better” (that’s sarcasm for those of you not familiar with its frequent use by me) so it’s been confirmed – I am not alone.

Those moments that are playing over in my head, I handed over to God and told him I was leaving them at His feet and I wasn’t picking them back up. Do you know those moments? Those tend to be the ones that play the loudest on funky days. Ugh. I don’t like them, I didn’t like them when they happened and I certainly don’t like them stuck on rewind and repeat. Anyway, that’s where I’ve been today. No other shoe dropped that I’m aware of, although I was certainly waiting for it. Clearly, that was a waste of my time. If you have ever dealt with anxiety, don’t you think that might be the most frustrating part of all? That you realize it’s a time waster? Good moments passing you by because you are stuck in anxiousness? Ew. Yes. Yuck.

I know God doesn’t want me to spend even 2.3 seconds of my day on those things. I must hope everyone that I care about knows I love them and truly care about them even if sometimes I don’t show it the way I am expected to. It’s days like these I wish I could give everyone I know a big ole’ hug and just say “You matter to me whether you know it or not”. The crazy thing about these funks is that you can learn a few things when you are in them.  Today, oddly enough I saw a young man walking out of a nearby neighborhood in his full Portillo’s gear.  Hat, pants, apron etc… he looked very much like he was on his way to work and he was late. I didn’t know him and I had 2 young kids in the car, so I called my husband and told him about the young man and asked if he would try to find him and offer him a ride.  Brian was happy to do it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find him by the time we got off the phone and he headed out of the house, although he did drive down several routes looking for the young worker. I hope someone else gave him a ride.

Today, I seemed to be in tune with all of the moments I had failed. Failed to write a thank you note or send a card when I should have, failed to do this or say that when I was supposed to.  Times when I failed to offer to buy someone’s dinner and I should have, times when I’ve said words that hurt someone even though that was never my intention. But I think it’s because of those moments that I noticed the young man walking, my senses were aware and heightened. I wanted to help and I wanted him to have a better moment.  I am hoping I can build on my insecurities.  I want to be able to speak truth and wisdom to my friends and family,  I want to pour myself into them, but leave more than enough at home with my family too. Sometimes in my darkest moments I find myself to be the most thankful. It is then that I quickly realize even with all of the dumb moments of my life – they are seemingly small in someone else’s. I also realize in those moments that I want to do better. I want to stop being selfish.

I want to do this:

Philippians 2:1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

and this:

Philippians 2:14  Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

I want to remember the next time I wake up feeling funky, I’m not supposed to stay there… but I am supposed to pay attention and be aware I’ve got some serious growing to do.