I woke up this morning knowing that 17 years ago today I would be delivering our son who had already passed from this life to the next, just three days before his due date.
As I reflected this morning, I thought about the voices that spoke to me during that pregnancy. There were voices of concern, voices of care, voices of sorrow, wisdom, encouragement and then there were voices that spoke without knowledge. I don’t think they meant to speak them, I just think they didn’t know what I did.
I had doctors, nurses, counselors and loved ones who told me that I should just “start over”. That I would feel better about my circumstances if I just “took matters into my own hands” but little did they know, I was trusting and submitting my life, my child’s life and my circumstances to my Father’s hands. Those are the hands I trust the most and not because they keep me from harm, but because those are the hands that will never leave me or forsake me. The hands of the one that gave his life up for mine.
Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
I also reflected on the women that had gone before me and how those women poured into me and helped steady me when I was weak.
2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Within just a few hours I was sitting in a sanctuary with probably a thousand or more people and together we sat listening to loved ones reflect on their daughter/ sister/wife…Sarah. At a young age, Sarah submitted her life to our Father’s hands. Her husband read a prayer from her journal as a 12 year old that not many adults have the courage to pray. Her husband commented that as of a couple weeks ago, she was still praying and surrendering her life to Jesus just like she did in those awkward, lonely and hard years of Jr. High.
Her father and her husband both spoke with a clarity, confidence and a peace that can only come from something other than what this broken world offers. While Sarah’s family spoke of her hopes and dreams for her future, it was clear they were all confident that the grief she felt in this life as she laid those desires down at her Father’s feet, had now turned to joy as she waits for the rest of her family to join her one day as they all run home for eternity.
John 16:20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
Seventeen years ago as I sat with my husband and young daughters in a quiet hospital room, knowing I would have to find the strength to leave my child’s still born body there, I could have never known the sorrows, grief and unbelievable joys that this life would bring but what I did know was that my life was not my own and that my savior had paid the highest price for it, his own.
Title edited 1/9/23 Today I found out that Sarah’s family made a book of her blogs she wrote during her illness, and because that’s how the spirit works, we both had the same verse in mind ❤️ I will put a link to Sarah’s blog here.
oldmommadenew 