Many of my friends on Facebook saw my status yesterday, where I made a post about twin babies, due in December and their mom is strongly considering placing them up for adoption. I guess it would depend on where you stand and your perspective, but many of you would not be surprised by the mass of people that respond to a post like that. There are others, though, who would be shocked to see how many hopeful people are dreaming of the day a baby is available for them.
It broke my heart. Honestly, it was overwhelming how many people had already spent so much time and money putting themselves in a position to be ready at a moments notice. If they happen to find a birth mom willing to bring a child into this world and then graciously hand it over to someone else to love and create a family with. The cries of each person that contacted me, the hope, the sheer panic to do whatever it takes to be first in line or even be in consideration… The stories of failed adoption attempts, the stories of countries changing guidelines, rules, regulations, expense… on and on and on. Very few even wondered if I knew anything about the situation or the health of the babies or the circumstance in general. They didn’t care, they had the hope of a baby, two in this case, joining their home and life – they were willing to take on whatever that life might bring, because they want to be parents.
As birth parents, we don’t know what we are going to get, do we? I, like so many of my friends have had kids with serious birth defects, genetic disorders or other health conditions, there are no guarantees – none. The same goes for adoptive families, sure there are some that aren’t willing to take on babies with known birth defects however, there are plenty who are. These potential parents are merely hopeful it’s going to be their child and their child will bring no guarantees whether it is birthed by them or not.
I ended up on my soapbox in private messages with a couple of people because the more messages that came in, the more aware I was and the larger the burden I felt for these families longing for even a glimmer of hope for a new family member. I honestly started to feel physically hot. My mind began to race with a reoccurring thought, “If we could change the face of abortion by even 10% – 10% is all I’m talking about… if we could just find 10% of the women considering an abortion, due to shame or embarrassment and save the pregnancy for just a few more months, it could change the world for at least 3 sets of people.”
The baby of course, would be given life, and could grow up to positively contribute to this world. The adoptive family, would have their world rocked because the very thing they lie in bed at night and dream of, would come true. And the birth mother, she could know that she did something more difficult than most of us can imagine. Something so selfless, that it should be honored and considered admirable among her community.
But why isn’t this the scenario we find? Is there really so much shame and guilt in this society over bringing a human safely into this world? I thought that is what everyone wanted; to have their dreams come true and help others see their dreams fulfilled? I don’t know about you, but I just find it hard to believe that we can’t reduce the abortion rate by 10% and increase the adoption rate by possibly even 8% in this country. I would imagine it wouldn’t really be an equal number because my guess is, many would decide to keep and raise the child for themselves. But if our mindset was altered just a bit, and we lived out trying to really help one another… couldn’t we become a society of dream granters?
I guess more than anything, I would like to urge us to be careful when we speak. Do we convey such disappointment in our children or those in our community that they truly believe abortion would be an easier and safer way to escape our judgement? Rather than facing our opinions on their decision to carry a life and possibly give it away? I’m stuck here, I know there has to be a way to do this. Making many of those potential families dreams come true. I’m sure there are plenty of points to argue with my logic or my ideas, believe me, I do… but at the same time, could we spend just a few minutes with people who would do almost anything to have something so many dispose of, out of fear and possibly a lost reputation? I think we could change the world for good for so many people if we just had a slight shift in our mindset on this one. All I know for sure is; I’m so glad our world was rocked by that tiny human that entered our hearts and home this way. And I wish I could make it happen for everyone else that longs for it.